A cure for depression ?

[step]

1. GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE :
http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/
Wait for the lady to appear, then .
2. WRITE YOUR FIRST NAME IN THE 1st LINE.
3. WRITE YOUR FAMILY NAME in the 2nd LINE
No need to write your e.mail address.
4. Press the VISUALIZAR bar.

[man o bong]

Two honeymooning ducks in a hotel.

Just as they are about to make love the Drake pipes up. "Bugger we dont have any condoms..- Don't worry, this is a five star hotel, i'm sure they will be able to sort us something out on room service.

So he calls and asks for condoms.

The receptionist says well certainly Sir, would you like me to put them on your bill?

"no yer daft twat" he replied "i'll friggin suffocate"
_________________
6 Months Horse Racing Blogs
+£13,376 (LSP +113.5pts)
6 Months Football Blogs
+£2519 (LSP +44.6pts)
Click here to CHECK IT OUT

[KanKeano]

Gazza sectioned under the Mental Health Act and sent to an institution for retards with no chance of recovery.

"We're glad to have him back!", says Keegan...

[KanKeano]

A Jewish boy has been born with no eyelids. Doctors say they can operate using his old foreskin but his mum is worried it will make him cockeyed.

[KanKeano]

Man said to his wife, "Ihad to show them the grey hair on my chest to get my pension".

Wife said, "You should have showed them your d**k and we could have got Disability allowance as well."

[betking]

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
_________________
Red Bull gives you wings.

Stoke and Hull better stock up on Red Bull then, as its the only way they'll get off the floor next season.....

[josh24]

In a recent survey into blowjobs, and why men like them so much, 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just like the fucking silence!

[Sweet FOs]

A man wasn’t feeling well at all so he went to the doctors. The doctor took one look at him and said “ I’ve got some bad news, you’ve got Yellow 24.”
“ What’s Yellow 24?” asked the man. “ Well”, said the doctor, “ It’s a very virulent disease, you turn yellow and you’ve got 24 hours to live, so go home and enjoy every last moment you’ve got left.”
The man went home and told his wife who was absolutely distraught. ”I’m going to Bingo tonight” she said, “ Come with me and enjoy yourself”
At the Bingo hall the man started playing and got four corners on the first house and won £38. He then got a line up and won £100. A few minutes later he got a full house and won £1000.
“ Congratulations sir “ said the caller, “ You’ve also won the national grid, £380 000, please come up onto the stage”. When the man got to the stage the caller said “ Sir, I’ve been doing this job for twenty years and I’ve never known anyone win four corners, a line, a full house and the national grid all on one card, you must be the luckiest man alive”
“ Lucky! You think I’m lucky” said the man, “ I’ve got Yellow 24”
“ I don’t believe it” said the caller “ You’ve won the raffle as well !
_________________
Eng Prem Scorecast Champion 06/07

[Sweet FOs]

Two old dears waiting for a bus in the pouring rain. Mavis lights up a fag, then pulls out a condom, cuts the end off and covers her cigarette. A slightly bewildered Doris asks her what she is doing. Mavis replies that it keeps her fag nice and dry between puffs. What a fantastic idea thinks Doris. That afternoon little old Doris pops into the local chemist and asks the assistance for a pack of condoms. “What brand would you liked madam?” “I couldn’t care less love, as long as they’re big enough to fit a Camel”
_________________
Eng Prem Scorecast Champion 06/07

[Sweet FOs]

Old Skool Classic !

A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a cast from his feet to his hips. Matthew Kelly introduces him as Simon.
“It’s very brave of you to come out here “ says Matthew. Please tell the audience what happened?”
“Well” replies Simon “ about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn’t save my legs”
“ That’s terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial? “ asks Matthew.
“ No, Matthew. While in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died, but that his legs we’re fine and with all the advances in medical science, they could graft his legs on my body. The operation was successful. I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year.
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience.
“That’s an unbelievable story. So, who are you going to be tonight? “
“ Tonight Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Halfuncle”
_________________
Eng Prem Scorecast Champion 06/07

[KanKeano]

Michael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're
rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World
Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath
away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "AH, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

John Virgo and Clive Everton appear sidetracked during snooker: "It's
not hard enough Clive, it's not going to go in"

Peter Alliss sizes up Colin Montgomerie: "He's a big man, but with no
more than an average length shaft"

[Dammo Qwirky]

' I was going,' said an Irishman, 'over Westminster Bridge the other day, and I met Pat Hewins.

"Hewins," says I, "how are you?"

"Pretty well," says he," thank you, Donnelly."

"Donnelly!" says I; "that's not my name."

"Faith, no more is mine Hewins," says he.

So we looked at each other again, and sure it turned out to be nayther of us.'
_________________
Positions now available in OLBG Lottery syndicate. 28 lines in each draw dramatically increases chances of a jackpot. Please PM me for info.