A cure for depression ?

colindune · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 8:49 pm Post subject:

Mr and Mrs Jones had been trying for a baby for almost 10 years with out much success, they blamed each other for the situation.

Sitting down one evening they decided it would be best if she would go to the doctors to finalise what was the actual problem of their dilemma.

The following morning off she goes for the doctor's appointment, walks into the surgery and starts to pour her heart out to the doctor on their dilemma, the doctor asks her to Lay down on the examination table so he could have a look between Mrs's Jones legs.

After the examination the doctor waited for Mrs Jones to dress and sit down, she asked in a soft manor what is the problem doctor.

Mrs Jones after the examination i find that you have a very fistacious fanny and if you have a baby it would be a miracle.being quiet taken back on the outcome, the doctor gave Mrs Jones a glass of water and asked if she wanted him to tell her husband in person.

she agreed, went home and waited for her husband to return from work, when he arrived she told him to sit down. she began but he just sat there staring at her for no apparent reason. she asked what is the matter, he replied i cannot here you and kept on shouting, realising the batteries had gone in his earing aid she replaced them and began her tail of woe, but could not bring herself to do so, you have to go and see the doctor she replied.

So off he trotted to the surgery, sat down with the doctor and he began to tell him that his wife had a fistacious fanny and if they had a baby it would be a miracle..he looked at the doctor bewildered, smiled and picked up his cap and trotted back home.

He came in and took his hat and scarf off, hung his coat, and approached the living area, his wife was sitting there in tears, did he tell you she asked.

yes he replied, but i could not understand what the hell he was going on about. what do u mean she asked.

Well he said that you have a fishcake up your fanny and if you had a baby it would be a mackerel

Boom Boom
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Colin Dune

comeonyouirons · Handicapper Joined: 16 Mar 2008 Posts: 18

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish".

The sky clouded over, and a booming voice said, "My son, because you have lived a good life, and tried to be faithful, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Can you build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific; the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".

The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"

After a few minutes, God sighed, and said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

Dammo Qwirky · Stallion Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 5882

The Inland Revenue decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office. The auditor is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor.

The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.'

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Paddy. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, 'Okay. You're on!'

Paddy says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pound that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'No way! It's a bet.'

Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Paddy says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my other eye.'

The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Would you like to go double or nothing?' Paddy asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand pound that I can stand on one side of your desk and piss into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains for all his worth , he can't make the stream reach the bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win.. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it.'
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betking · Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 4:45 pm Post subject:

Dammo that made me laugh out loud more than any joke I can remember! Laughing

swashbuckler · Group 1 Class Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 364

ditto

KanKeano · Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject:

A gay guy goes for a tattoo for his boyfriends birthday.

What does he like? asks the tattooist.

'Boxing', he replies. 'Why don't you get Frank Bruno on your left bum cheek and Mike Tyson on your right?'

'Ok' says the guy.

He gets home and shows his tattoos to his boyfriend, hoping he'll be suitably impressed.

'You're effin' mad' shrieks the boyfriend. 'Why' he asks?

'Don't think I'm getting in the ring between them two!'
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"The biggest regret of my whole football career was leaving White Hart Lane in 1970.....I was heartbroken" - Jimmy Greaves. Greatest ever English striker, bar none [464 goals in 657 matches for club & country]

hollywood6 · Group 3 Class Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 94

west yorkshire police are interviewing shannon matthews mam..not about her daughters disappearence but how the eck she got 5 different men to s*** her..

remember..its only a joke Laughing

swashbuckler · Group 1 Class Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 364

brewster39 · Triple Crown Winner Joined: 29 Dec 2006 Posts: 1042

BREAKING NEWS: Austrian Elizebeth Fritzl's diary has been found

MONDAY: Stayed in, Dad f***** me.
TUESDAY: Stayed in, Dad came down and f***** me.
WEDNESDAY: Stayed in, got f***** by Dad.
THURSDAY: Stayed in, Dad f***** me
FRIDAY Stayed in and got f***** by Dad
SATURDAY: Went to watch the Southampton match - wish I stayed in.
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PLAY UP POMPEY

Inatimate1 · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 2:14 pm Post subject:

language brewster Wink

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brewster39 · Triple Crown Winner Joined: 29 Dec 2006 Posts: 1042

ahhh sorry OLBG forgot about that Embarassed

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thatsa donkey · Classic Winner Joined: 06 Jul 2005 Posts: 699

Brewster,

How could you forget that Southampton is a dirty word here,
Laughing

Donkey.

	Working together to beat the Bookies!